It would truly be the highlight of my evening to be accosted by four Bisto ladies with a giant inflatable cock!

Well, her turd by the looks of it.

No you can’t take down my particulars!

So your probably working in a nail bar or a hairdressers and you want to supplement your income.  What a better way than to cover yourself in Bisto and handle a large snake in front of a crowd of jeering chavs in a dead-end seaside town looks-like-a-disused-badminton-court nightclub!

After a hard night knocking back Blue WKD followed by an Aftershock chaser, and chaving it up hard, it’s time to get some water inside you to avoid that vicious hangover!

Agh what a sight to behold.  Four young Jordan wannabes on a night out.  They’ve poured a litre of Lambrini each down their gullets, now it’s time to get the only drink of the night that they plan to pay for.  I just love the way the pink clashes with the orange fake tan… classy!

It’s your Birthday and ‘your mates’ have taped you to a chair using duct tape on the stage of your cloal fleapit in front of the howling chavvy crowd, while the local stripper gyrates in your face until you pass out!  Happy Birthday son!

Notice this young mans drink is half full, so presumably he is going to get a clean straw after this prank for the camera.  Then again perhaps not.

Apparently pole dancing is a honourable profession, that keeps you fit.  Well that’s what these poor hapless tarts probably believe.  In reality, if you daughter is ‘on the pole’ or owns a clear pair of heals, then as a parent, YOU = FAIL.

While this young lady is distracted by the camera, one of the three muppets encircling their prey decided to cop a feel.  With tongue out!

So the owner of the local fleapit is coming round with his digital camera to snap a few patrons enjoying themselves ransacking their dignity. So what’s you natural reaction? Yes, pull down your tracky bottoms and show the world your tramp stamp and so-bad-they-could-be-prison tattoos on each arse cheek!

You don’t have to have bad prison tattoos to work here but it helps!

It’s your Birthday and you;ve decided to go to a ‘UV Party’ at your local fleapit.  You and your mates have caked yourself in luminous gunk and cheap trinkets from Claire’s Accessories, then someone turns up dressed as a bloody smurf!

Look at these three lovely princesses.  Well I say princesses, the orange blushing bride looks a little to square jawed to me!

There is no better place than your local fleapit to show off your new Eastern European breast enlargement surgery, that you saved 2 years of child benefit for.  Shame they look like two cantaloupe halves!

So it’s your Birthday and for a special treat, a stripper dry humps you dressed as copper on the stage of your local fleapit.  It gets no better than this!

So you’ve gone to your local fleapit and got wankered on Blue WKD.  It’s time to let the local medway pikies feel you up for the camera!