It’s not only the Jordanesque slappers who like the fake tan!

Watch me deep throat this Blue WKD bottle!

The king of satire does it again!

Pot, Kettle and Black spring to mind!

Yellow hair and black eyebrows, it’s a great look!

A North Kent alpha male shows his physical prowess on the dance floor!

Frontrunners for the Ransacking prize of the night!

…in the Ransacking stakes.

You know what kind of establishment it is when the proprietor comes round with a 6′ inflatable cock.

A toothless codger pulls himself a right stunner with the promise of Strongbow… Mmmm!

Where do I begin, I covered the eyes but you can still see the spiders. Then there’s the teeth… but that is nothing compared to the fake tan that has been lovingly built up for so many weeks, it might well be dyeing sub-dermal tissue… Jordan, there’s a new chav queen on the block!

The girls are indeed, back in town!

As the proprietor comes round with his camera, your mate goes for the classic ‘lipstick lesbian’ shot. Your refusal at the final ransacking hurdle leads to a full-on face lick. It maybe a technical fault but it is all ransacking in our eyes!

You’ve quaffed a dozen Bacardi Breezer style £1 specials and for some reason, you’re still not pissed. However your bladder is the size of a basketball as you stave off the inevitable trip the the unsanitary club toilets…

A picture crashing drunk gets more than he bargained for!

Any port in a storm, even if that’s your mates pie hole!

WE have found a new front runner for the Ms Orange 2009 contest. It’s hard to see how this can be beaten without a nuclear glow!

Memorial tattoos, they bring a tear to my eye every time I see one on a granny in a nightclub, chaving it up with her daughter… get in Mr Bouncer!

A young man demonstrates to the club owner that he was indeed born with the instinct to breed… oh no.

You really don’t want to touch that floor with naked skin, you’ll catch something… probably anti-biotic resistant!