It’s not only the Jordanesque slappers who like the fake tan!

Where do I begin, I covered the eyes but you can still see the spiders. Then there’s the teeth… but that is nothing compared to the fake tan that has been lovingly built up for so many weeks, it might well be dyeing sub-dermal tissue… Jordan, there’s a new chav queen on the block!

The girls are indeed, back in town!

WE have found a new front runner for the Ms Orange 2009 contest. It’s hard to see how this can be beaten without a nuclear glow!

“Quick the owner’s coming with this camera, strike a pose, third party lady, you can grope my tit too for added interest! I’m so not going to regret this in the morning!”

It goes from white elbows all the way up to Iron Bru forehead. Give her forehead a buff and it would shine like french polished Mahogany.

Now as a bloke, I don’t know much about make-up, but my girlfriend reliably informs me that foundation is meant to match your natural skin tone and not make you look like you’ve been Tango’ed.

That’s right, eking out a living doing PA’s at provincial nightclubs as Jordan’s latest marketing idea. Naturally every chavette would try and seduce him to try and one-up the queen of Chavs.

Up and down this fair land ladies are gradually morphing into Katie Price like the one on the right.

You’ve fallen asleep in your local pit and the owner and a orange lady decide to capture the moment and put it on the Internet!

Caked on is not the word… Jordan has a lot answer for, for the Orange faces up and down the land.

Yes Wuzzel’s lady friend returns complete with dodgy hair extensions.

He thought she looked a bit familiar!

This is what the Internet meme ‘Butterface’ was invented for! These ladies have taken an early lead for this years Ms Orange contest for their richly basted complexions!